I'm Killing Loneliness With You
by Alex Schwind
Summary: Siouxie nearly gets hit by a car driven by her favorite singer, and her life forever changes. Rated M for Sexual relations.
1. Chapter 1

(Quick start bio Before the actual chapter)

Hey, I'm Suzanne. Of the people who occasionally talk to me, they call me Suzy, but I like to think its spelled 'Siouxie' kind of like Siouxsie and the Banshees, but not. So, call me whatever.

My hair is jet black, and have really pale skin. I am pretty tiny for my age; I'm 5' 1" and around 110 pounds. I personally think I am too small, but oh well. Random fact: I always keep my nails on my left hand short, and the nails on my right hand long- it's just a thing I've been doing since I first learned guitar around age thirteen.

But anywhore, I will go on with more textbook facts about me. I am 19 and am a Senior. I do smoke, kind of a lot, but I always go outside and not around people usually. My birthday is on November 2 and I hate spiders. *Shiver*  
My favorite bands are Asking Alexandria, Depeche Mode, Siouxie and the Banshees, and HIM. HIM is my most favorite though. And Ville, damn. He's a _fine_ mother fucker.

So, yep. That's it for now. You'll probably figure out more about me in the near future.

(Start of actual chapter)

I walked home from school and lit up a cigarette I started this morning. I don't usually smoke the rest until night time, but school really sucked today. Thank god it's Friday. Someone actually talked to me today. Not in a good way; In a "You're so stupid, why don't you go die," way. Yep someone said that to me. Doesn't usually happen, but today it did. I pulled my ear buds out of my shirt so they could reach my ear and I put them both in. I turned to my Dark Light album (by HIM) and played it on shuffle. I only got about 6 songs in before I got home.

I don't live with my mom anymore, I moved out because she kept bitching about me smoking. I've only had one a day for nearly a year. I might end up having another HALF tonight, but that's only because I had a shitty-ass day. So now I live in an apartment. It's small. Really small. It has one bedroom and one bathroom and two small closets; It's kitchen and living room are combined together so there is a small kitchen and the tile linoleum cuts of to a cheap carpet. The kitchen has a breakfast-bar type thing to eat at, though. So ya, small. It's like a bit bigger than my old room. It was pretty big, but yea...

I pulled my keys out and put it in the lock and turned it quickly. I put my cigarette out all the way and held it until I got to my kitchen and could throw the butt away. I was super tired. I went into my room and sat on my bed. I reached next to me on the other side of my double bed to get my book. I read and read and read. I eventually finished (I read pretty fast and I love to do it) and decided to go take a walk and have a smoke.

I didn't need to change; Black skinnies and a black tank with a black beanie and zip-up was fine. I grabbed my cigarette holder and lighter from my book bag and walked outside. I pulled out a cigarette and lit it as I walked to the park near my apartment. Its 9 pm so no one is probably there. I put in my ear buds again which are still playing music. People are People by Depeche Mode came on. I hummed along with it. Good song.

I was almost there and was walking by a tree when I noticed I had a shadow cast by a set of headlights. I turned around to see a car racing forward in my direction. I ran out of the way and the car crashed into a tree. I got up quickly to see a man with long-ish dark hair and a beanie out of his car walking to me.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry. This is why I hate cars. My brakes weren't working and so I turned down here thinking that no one would be down here since it was a dead end and that I would just hit a tree or a fence or something, which I did do, but nearly killed you in the process. Are you ok?"uck? What the _fuck_. Wow."

I would know that voice anywhere. Oh my god. Am I dead? Holy...

"Holy Fuck. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I'm trying not to fangirl right now. I'll live, thanks. You're Ville Valo. Oh my god. How the f

"Don't apologize, are you sure you're ok? I am _so _sorry, again." He glanced back at the car. I stood up and brushed off. "Do you have somewhere I can crash?"

I had a huge smile on my face. "Yea. You'll have to sleep on a pull-out bed, though I live a couple of minutes away from here, walking. Hold on. I just need to grab my cigarette, I dropped it when I landed in that pile of snow." He nodded and I went to grab my cigarette. I lit it again. He went to the back of the car and pulled out a bag that I guessed was full of his stuff. "Follow me. I can sit at the park and smoke another night."

"You look very young to be smoking," he said, smiling.

"I'm 19, so it's legal. I know its bad for me, but this is the first day in nearly a year that I've had more than one. This is the beginning of my second, but only because I had a shit day at school."

"Whatever you say." He smiled.

In what seemed like a moment we were at the door to my apartment. "Welcome to the smallest apartment you will ever see for as long as you live," I said putting out my cigarette. I put the key in the lock and turned it. He chuckled. "Don't laugh! It's true." I opened the door and was so happy I don't make much of a mess. I gave him a tour of my apartment. We got to the bathroom last and he chuckled at the mess of shit on one side of the counter. It was covered in eyeliner of all kinds, black, white, and grey individual eye shadow thingies, a shit-ton of mascara, my brush, my teasing comb, my hairspray, an assortment of black, white, gray, and lacy bows, my hairdryer, my flat Iron, my curling iron (that I rarely use), and finally, my toothbrush and toothpaste. You can tell most of my stuff is black, white, and grey, can't you?

"How much money do you spend on make-up?" He said laughing.

"Not as much as it seems. I just buy the cheap stuff you can get at the drugstore. And I don't use foundation or concealer, so that saves me _some_ money, at least."

He just laughed. I brought him back into the living room and started to pullout the mattress inside the sofa. He helped me pull it out because it's pretty heavy. I went to one of the closets I keep my sheets and stuff in and opened it to reveal a shit load of black and white sheets.

"Do you want to pick out your sheets?" I asked making a dramatic presenting movement.

He laughed and walked over. "Ummmm... These ones." He picked out one of the plain black ones and a matching black comforter. "You own so much color," He said sarcastically He started to make the bed and I helped.

I laughed. "Are you hungry? I can make something. I just went shopping yesterday, so I have a lot of fucking food.

He put his hand on his stomach. "That would be great. I haven't gotten a chance to eat yet."

x"What do you want?" I asked him.

"Anything, really, as long as it doesn't have meat."

"I know. Er- [I sound like such a creeper!] I'm vegan, so I don't have any. Ummm, I can whip up a salad, I can cook some veggie burgers or vegan chicken patty things-"

"Do you have microwave pizza?," He said cutting me off.

"Um, ya." I looked at the clock. **9:30. **"Do you want me to make two so there is some cold pizza in the morning?"

"Sounds good," He said on his knees looking over the back of my sofa. "You need help?"

"No, I'm good, thanks."

"You don't need to be so polite, you know," he said laughing. God, I loved his laugh. "Oh yea, In all the excitement, I never asked your name."

I giggled. "Oh, I'm Suzanne. Of the few people who talk to me, though they only usually ask for the homework for Math or English, they often call me Siouxie. I know they don't mean for it to be spelled the way I like to think it's spelled- like Siouxsie Sioux -I pretend it is anyway.

"So you listen to some classics?" He asked me curiously.

"Ya. Depeche Mode is my favorite band besides you. Enjoy the Silence is good, People are People is one of my favorites, Oh, and Personal Jesus. That's great, too. I like David Bowie. He's amazing. Unfortunately I'm not a huge fan of Elvis. It's not bad, but I don't go out of my way to get his records and stuff like I do for yours."

"No Elvis? What?" he said looking sarcastically upset.

"I never said he was bad," I said taking out the first pizza and putting in the second.

"Whatever you say. It's great that you listen to some of the classics, though."

I smiled and looked at him walking into the kitchen. He reached for a piece of pizza and I smacked his had away.

"What was that for? Its done," He said shaking his hand as if it actually hurt.

"You'll burn yourself. I don't own a microwave, so it was made in an oven. Meaning that you will burn you tongue off if you eat it now."

"How long?"

"Five minutes." He looked at me with his beautiful eyes. "Four minutes. Take it or leave it," I bargained.

"I'll take it," he said stealing a slice of the pizza and running to sit on a stool at the breakfast bar. He took a huge bite and then dropped both the slice of pizza and the bite in his mouth onto the counter. "HOT!"

"No shit, Sherlock. Told you." I took the slice of pizza on the counter and put it on a paper plate. I turned around, about to take it back to him, and he had the bit he spit out in his fingers. He blew on it and put it back in his mouth. "Gross," I said as I set the plate down.

"What?" he said with a mouthful of pizza.

I rolled my eyes. I heard the oven's timer go off and I took out the other pizza. I covered it with plastic wrap and put it in the fridge.

I went over to the pizza on the stove top and felt the crust. Perfect temperature. I took out another paper plate and put a slice of pizza on it. I grabbed some napkins as well. Ville was almost done, so I grabbed another piece and threw it on his plate before taking a seat next to him.

"So earlier you said that no one really talks to you," he said swallowing a bite of pizza and wiping his fingers off on the napkin I gave him. "Why?"

"Because reality kicked me in the face early. I was the one in school putting everyone down because I let them in on a little secret that the Disney princesses weren't real, and no prince charming in going to fall down on your doorstep. And when you come to school looking like Siouxsie Sioux, people usually ignore you."

"Well, that is their problem, because I honestly think that you're pretty cool. You really should quit smoking, though." He said smiling.

"Says the one who was chain-smoking until three years ago," I said laughing.

"But the point is, I quit," He said with a mouthful of pizza.

"Thanks, though. No one ever says anything nice to me. It's all "What was the math homework?" or "Quit dressing like a fag, whore." The latter of which I usually respond to with flipping them off and turning my music up a little louder."

He smiled. "Well, it's a shame you don't have friends. Just don't start drinking. I'm assuming that you don't already because you're underage. It can really fuck you up."

I gave him two thumbs up. "Ok. I will be the best non-drinker because I learned from the worst," I said laughing.

He laughed.

I put the last piece of my pizza in my mouth and Ville had already been done for a few minutes. I glanced at the clock. **10:30. **I took my plate and Ville's and put it in the trash. It was getting really full. "Hey, I'm going to take out the trash. I'll be back in a sec."

"Ok." he said.

~Skipping taking out the trash AT NIGHT!~

I opened the door and Ville was in what I guessed he planned on sleeping in and was scrolling through stuff to watch on the television. He had on crappy black pants and no shirt. Damn, that man was fine. I don't even give two fucks that he was, what? 16 years older than me? I would fuck him any day. I put a new garbage bag in the trash can.

"Thanks for making food," he said turning the tv off.

"No problem, though I can hardly call it 'making food'," I said smiling. "I'm going to go take off my make-up and put on my pajamas."

He nodded as I walked into my bathroom and then to my bedroom. I picked out my favorite pajamas. They were a pair of black sweats, a black tank with a shelf bra in it, and a baggy t-shirt that slid down on one shoulder to reveal the strap for my tank. It's not just comfy, but its cute, too. What? It's not like you wouldn't do the same thing. I walked out and Ville was at the fridge opening a coke. There were two other empty cans on the counter behind him.

"Sorry, I was thirsty," He said after taking a sip.

"It's fine. I live off the stuff so I can't blame you," I said walking over and grabbing my own. I chugged a can and looked at the clock. **11:45. **"Holy shit, it got late fast. I should get to bed. I don't have anything to do tomorrow, but I always end up waking up at 7:45 every morning. I can't help it. You can stay up and watch the television if you want. I don't mind. Goodnight," I said smiling.

"I will probably get to bed, too. I'm tired. Goodnight" He said, giving me a smile back.

I walked shut all the lights, minus the lamp on the end table next to the sofa, and went to my room. I pulled out my phone really quick and opened my Tumblr. This was the only place people really liked me. "Best. Night. Ever." was all I posted after hours of no posts, answered asks, reblogs, or anything.

I turned on my HIM playlist and put in my ear buds. I was soon falling asleep to Heartache Every Moment.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up and the sun was peeking through my blinds and lit up my eyelids. I looked around my room and saw my computer was lit. I got up and looked at the notification. About 50 people had messaged me in my ask box as to what was so awesome. Yes, my followers know how shitty my life is. How the fuck am I supposed to explain that I have THE Ville Valo asleep in my living room? Maybe a picture. I looked at the small clock in the corner of my desktop. 7:30. Another half hour and it won't be too early to go and get ready. I walked out of my room as quietly as possible and peeked into the living room. Ville was fast asleep and tufts of his hair stuck out from under the blankets. I went back to my room and watched YouTube for another half hour then went into my bathroom and showered really quick. I got out and dried off before wrapping the towel around me and walking back to my room. I changed into a cute black dress that had a cute pattern embroidered onto it in a matching black color and went down to just above my knees. I put some cute tights on that had little bats on them and threw on some black flats that had a bow on them. I didn't do my makeup because I didn't have a reason to, yet. The clock said 10:30. Wow that took longer than I thought.

I silently padded to my kitchen. I pulled out stuff to make pancakes, put in ear buds, and started to mix it all together. Wow, Ville was a heavy sleeper. I warmed up a frying pan and a skillet. I pulled out some breakfast patties and started frying them in the pan, then the pancakes on the skillet. I didn't even notice that Ville woke up and was sitting on a stool until I turned to the island to start setting two places. I jumped and dropped the two plastic plates and hand full of napkins in was holding.

"You scared the living fuck out of me, Ville. You can poke me next time," I said with my hand over my heart.

"Sorry. You were cooking so intently and had music on and stuff, so I thought you might hit me with something," he said in his tired voice. Damn that was some sexy shit. He started picking up what I dropped and I helped. Obviously, I'm not rude!

"How long were you there?"

"A few minutes. I woke up when you put the, maybe, 3rd pancake on the griddle."

"Speak up next time," I said as I put down new plates. I dished 3 pancakes and two breakfast patties on each of our plates. I pulled out some maple syrup and dug in.

"You should tell me about yourself. I don't know how much you know about me, but its got to be more than I know about you."

"OK. My full name is Suzanne River Elizabeth Caillebs. I am 19 years old, I am a Senior in high school, and I love music. You know a bit of the music part , so I'll skip that. I am addicted to YouTube and Tumblr. I have 3,466,379 Followers on Tumblr. I am obsessed with HIM, and I swear to god I'm not just saying that. Oh, and my birthday is November 2, 20 days before yours. And no, I'm not like those super obsessive Directioners who apparently know their blood types and their, uh, you know, 'length'." I laughed a bit and continued. "My favorite food is probably rice and vegetables. My favorite color is black, and my favorite color combination is black and magenta. I speak four languages, including English, fluently. I think that's it.."

"Can you hide me from these Directioners?" Ville said laughing. "What four languages do you speak?"

"German, Swedish, Finnish, and English."

"Finnish? Nice. Where did you learn those?"

"I lived in Finland for about 4 years, then Germany for 3, and I was born in Sweden, and I lived there for the first 10 years of my life. Then I moved to America. I don't know why I don't really have an accent."

"Do you play any instruments?"

"Yea, um, Violin, Cello, Guitar, Bass Guitar, Clarinet, Flute, all percussion instruments to some degree, oh and of course piano. And a little bit of tuba and trumpet."

"Wow. Why did you choose to learn so many?"

"My mom forced me to learn Piano and Violin, but I wanted to learn the rest because I thought it would be cool to play a shit load of things."

"And you're serious? Wow."

"Yea. I can take you up to a music shop today if you don't need to do anything."

"No, not for a while. I'm taking a break slash vacation."

"Great. Brendon, I think, will be flipping out."

"Brendon?"

"He works the front desk there during my shift. We don't really talk, but when we do it is usually about you or the rest of the band. I won't let him fanboy on you, don't worry."

We finished eating and I did my makeup and we started walking to Miller Mojo. (That's the name of the shop)

Ville's POV

I like Siouxie. She's awesome. I guess I'm going to have to get a hotel soon, though. Its kind of strange that I am staying at a complete stranger's house on vacation? I trust her not to, like, kill me, but it can definitely raise some eyebrows. I'm old enough to be her father. I'm 17 years older than her. Oh, I feel so gross. But anyway, I guess I'm happy to meet someone who isn't a fucker to her. She is so sweet, she doesn't deserve to not have friends.

Siouxies POV

I pushed the front door and the familiar 'ding' rang through the store. I held the door open for Ville and put my finger to my mouth. Brenden was at the front desk flipping through a gaming magazine. He didn't look up until I was right in from of him. I glanced down at Ville a held up a low finger, telling him to stay for a moment longer.

"Hey Siouxie, don't you have today off?"

"Yes, but I'm going to prove to my friend that I can play all of the instruments I claim I can. He raised an eyebrow at me, knowing I have none.

"I know. You can get up now," I said and motioned for Ville to stand up. Brenden's eyes widened

"HEY, no fanboy-ing I promised I'd keep you off of him."

Ville smiled and laughed. God I loved that laugh.

"I'll be in my room," I said to him, pointing to the room I used to teach students. Yes, I am a Tudor. Brenden watched Ville and I walk away. I didn't have to look back at him to know where he was looking. Yes, Brendon is gay. Well, bi.

I opened my violin case. I set some Mozart on a stand and began to play. I only played the beginning. I moved on to the other instruments. I played piano last. Ville sat down next to me and I began to play. I chose close to the flame, because I have been working on it a lot lately.

"Fuck," I said when my pinky finger accidentally hit a wrong note. I finished the song and Ville applauded me.

"You're much better than me at that," he said smiling.

"I've been practicing that one for about 2 months," I glanced that the window in the door. "Brenden! Stick härifrĺn." He jumped and ran away from the door.

"Care to translate?" Ville said.

"Its Swedish for 'Get the fuck outta here.' So much for keeping him from fanboy-ing. He doesn't know where I live, don't worry. Speaking of which, you need a hotel," I said with a small frown.

"Accually, I'm enjoying staying at your place, so if I can stay for a while, that would be nice."

I smiled. "Awesome!" I said, instantly wanting to take back the major excitement in my voice. Oh well. Ville pressed a key on the piano, and a quiet, low note came out.

"So," Ville began. "I know stuff about you, but I have no idea how much you know about me. Care to fill in the gap?"

"Ugh, I'm going to sound like such a stalker. Well," I began, taking a breath. "You were born November 22, 1976 in the Vallila district of Helsinki, Finland, and moved to Oulunkyla. You play guitar, drums, bass, and piano. You speak Finnish, German, and English, I read most of this on a blog and wikipedia, so correct me if I have something wrong. You have a younger sibling named Jesse. You went to rehab in 2007 to stop drinking, and quit smoking in 2010. I think that's about it. Everything else has to do with the band as a whole." I put my hands over my face and peeked through my fingers. " I am such a stalker," I said looking up at him. I put my hands down.

Ville laughed. "No, you're just a fan."

I smiled. "Do you know what Tumblr is?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Should I?"

"For the sake of your sanity, no. I just bring it up because my followers are going to wonder why I haven't posted anything all day, and its a weekend."

"And you need a reason?"

"Not necessarily," I said feeling awkward.

"Are they fans?"

"Major."

"Will a picture shut them up?"

"Yes," I said shocked that he would actually approve of make people fan girl over him.

"Hand me your phone and come here, then."

I pulled out my phone and opened Tumblr. I pressed the upload button then picture, then take picture. I handed Ville my phone. He motioned for me to scoot closer to him. He held up the phone and we smiled. He tapped the bottom to capture the photo and handed it back to me. I added a caption that said 'this is why I haven't posted today' and pressed the upload button. "Now I won't get any more shit in my ask box until later. Thanks."

"No problem," he said laughing.

"I still can't believe I'm talking to you. Its like a dream."

"Its a shame that it was caused by me almost killing you though."


	3. Chapter 3

While we were walking home, Ville was looking at the Mountains, and I couldn't help but think. I thought about why this amazing man fell from heaven and landed on MY doorstep. I am just a girl. Ville means so much to me, and I've only actually known him for a day. It feels like we have known each other forever. I want to tell him why he is special. He truly is, to me, at least. I want to tell him how I feel. Not just that I may be falling completely in love with this man, bit that he legitimately saved my sanity and possibly my life.

I never really listened to HIM until I came to America, but I also wasn't bullied, picked on, or ignored until I moved here. I came and started to get picked on when I got to middle school. I was alone, and my mom worked a lot, so she wasn't home often, either. So I had no one to talk to, and everyone picked on me all through middle school. I started dressing alternatively in 8th grade and was dressing completely goth by my freshman year. So then the picking on just tapered off into being ignored entirely. I got used to it, but I always just wanted it to end. I just wished that I would be taken by someone on my way to school or home from a cafe at night. I was too cowardly to do anything. I couldn't cut. The pain was too sharp and I was a wimp. It just turned into burns. Boiling Hot water in a pot and burning my self with that and giving myself deeper, more painful burns on my legs with the pot.

But I couldn't ever bring myself to cut or attempt suicide. I was a wimp. I just hoped someone else could do it for me. Hold a chemical filled cloth to my face and kill me silently in the night. The pain just made me think of something other than my emotional pain. I burned myself until 9th grade, then I could stand being ignored more that being called unspeakable names by my peers every day. I around then I got really into Ville, not just HIM. And that was the only thing that kept me going.

Shit. I need to stop thinking about that. If I did tell him that he was so amazing, he would ask why. Then I would have to explain all of that. I need to stop thinking about this. It is going to make me cry. I can't breakdown in front of Ville. Despite my efforts to keep the small amount of tears that were welling up in my eyes, a single tear fell from my eye. I didn't notice that Ville was now looking at me. A few more light tears fell. Ville stopped. I wiped my eyes quickly and turned to face him.  
"What's wrong, Siouxie?"

I turned around. His eyes were soft and warm. I put on a smile. "Nothing," I said. Another tear slipped from my eye.

"Yes there is. You looked upset while we were walking, but I let you be. What's wrong?"

I noticed that we were already in the parking lot and my apartment was very close. My eyes wouldn't stop making tears. I tried to keep them back, just blink them away. Then they just came. It wasn't full sobbing, but the tears were flowing freely. I held my cardigan-covered hands to my face and sat down on a nearby bench. "I'm sorry," I squeaked out. I tried to pull myself together, but my body wouldn't let the tears stop. I felt the bench creak, then a warm body next to me. Then there was a warm arm around me, holding me tight. I turned to let the tears run into his shoulder. He smelled nice. Not soap nice, but skin nice. It was comforting. I took a deep breath. I tried once more to stop the tears. The tears slowed a bit with every breath I took. I probably looked terrible. My eyeliner and mascara were probably running down my face. I wiped my eyes and sat up strait.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. "You probably don't want to talk to me ever again. You probably think that am a cry baby or have daddy issues or something."

"No, no. I don't." He wiped a tear from my face. "Let's go inside where it is warmer." He smiled, and I smiled back. He stood up and reached his hand out. I took it and stood up.

The short walk was only about 30 seconds to the door. I opened the door and grabbed a tissue from the table and dabbed my eyes. I sat down on the sofa and Ville sat next to me. He put his arm around me before beginning.

"So, what's wrong?"

"It isn't what _is_ wrong, right now, so much as it is what _was_ wrong." Ville looked confused. "When I moved here, at first, no one was mean or picked on me much, but I was in elementary school. I got to middle school, and I got picked on for a reason that I still don't know to this day. I was at the butt of every joke, picked last in gym class, and ended up doing all the work in group projects. I started listening to alternative kinds of music instead of the pop I used to. I liked it better because it applied to my feelings and attitude that resulted from all of the bullying. I tried to talk to teachers, but they just said "Kids can be cruel," and never addressed anything more than that.

"I began self-harming. I didn't cut, no, but I burned myself. I was a pussy and couldn't do it, cut, I mean. I used boiling water, then the hot pot, then hot skewers. I still have the scars. I wanted it to end so bad, but I was too much of a coward to do it myself. I just prayed to god that on my way to and from school, cafés, restaurants, that someone would hold a chloroform soaked cloth to my mouth and then kill me in the night. It never happened. I listened to you, a lot. Your music makes me happy.

"When I got to high school, bulling just tapered off into being completely ignored. I could live with that better. But I was still alone. I convinced myself to stop hurting myself. Then, I got really into you, as a person. I looked into you and your music, watch interviews, you are hilarious and you make me laugh when no one else could, or even cared to. I was still upset and alone until 11th grade, then I just sort of got over it. I denied any feelings and emotions I had. Then I am here. I met you. And you are amazing and now I am glad that I met you, and I stopped ignoring my emotions," I smiled and looked up from my white hands. He was smiling and his cheeks were a little rosy. "I know it sounds insane, and you probably think that I am crazy because I have only known you for a day, but meeting you changed something in me. I want to feel again, whether what I feel hurts or is pleasant. I don't know how or why, but you did."

I looked into his eyes. They were glassy, intensifying the emerald shade of green. He pulled me into a huge hug and I felt drops of liquid on my shoulder. Did my story really touch Ville so much as to make him cry? I hugged him back tightly.

"I had no idea that so much could be bottled up into a small girl like you," he whispered into my neck. He pulled away and wiped his eyes with a tissue. "Why you put your faith in me, I have no idea, but I'm glad you did."

I wiped my own eyes again. "How bad do I look?" I let out a small laugh.

"Beautiful."

I blushed and looked down to my hands, a smile growing on my face. "Let me clean up myself really quick, then we can eat something," I walked to my bathroom and took off all my makeup. I put up my hair and walked to my room. I changed out of my tear soaked clothes and threw my cardigan into the laundry hamper. I laid my dress on my bed and I changed into a black tank top and shorts. They were the same ones I wore last night to bed. I walked out and saw Ville in the kitchen putting the cold pizza from last night on plates and putting out two cans of coke. He set them on the island and looked up at me. He smiled. I sat at the island and Ville took his place next to me.

"Thanks," I said smiling.

"No problem. I am very much able to put pizza on plates."

"Not just that, Ville. Thanks for letting me open up to you and let me feel comfortable around you."

He smiled. "Your welcome. I'm glad you feel that way around me."

We dug into the pizza and finished 3 cans of coke each. Ville was helping me clean up when my mom burst through the door. Of all people, my mom.

"Hi sweetie!" She gave me a hug. Ville looked startled. He stood still by the trash can. After my mom finished squeezing the life out of me, she went over to Ville. She examined him closely. "And who are you?" She reminded me of the caterpillar from Alice and Wonderland.

"Mom. Be nice. This is Ville. You can't just barge in my house and be rude to my friend."

"Friend? Did you mean to add 'with benefits' to the end of that? He wants to, I can tell." She looked at me. "And you as well."

"Friends, mom." I turned to Ville and gave him an apologetic look.

"You're communicating with glances?"

"Yes mom. Quit being rude. Ville is very nice and I just met him last- yesterday." If I say last night, she would just ask more questions. "I've known who he was for a long time before now, but"

"Ville, I think you have a stalker," she said without taking her eyes from me.

"No, ma'am, I'm in a famous band. Not so famous in America, though," he said, sounding especially Finnish. He looked at me and smiled a minuscule smile. My mom whipped around.

"Oh really?" She raised her eyebrow. "Can I hear some?"

I was already on it. I chose Fortress of Tears. I tapped it and my phone screamed out the music. My mom eyed Ville.

"Sing it." My mom said.

"Mom, quit being rude. Why don't you believe us?"

The next moment, Ville was singing the chorus of the song. I watched his lips move and listened to his amazing, beautiful voice hit every note perfectly.

I smiled at him, he was now standing by me. "Ville, you don't have to listen to my mom," I whispered in his ear. He looked down at me.

"I'm worried she'll hurt me," he whispered back. I shook my head no and smirked.

"Mom, what do I have to do to get you to believe him?"

"All I want is for you to tell me the truth-that you are in fact dating."

"Mom, were not dating. Why can-" I was cut off by an arm pulling me to Ville. He looked down at me and a moment later his warm lips were on mine. I was a blissfully amazing moment. He tasted like a sweet, fruity candy despite the fact we both just ate pizza. I had to stand on my toes to meet him half way.

Ville's POV

I couldn't hold back any longer. I pulled her in front of me and leaned down to meet her soft lips. She was warm and she made me feel like I was growing a teddy bear inside me. It was amazing and- I can't describe it. She stood on her toes so I didn't have to lean anymore. Her hands rested on my chest because she withdrew her arms against her when I pulled her to me.

Siouxie's POV

I pulled away and flattened my feet on the floor. My arms were still up against Ville's chest and he looked down on me and smiled. Then he looked at my mom. I turned around to face her better, still close to Ville. My mom had a smug look on her face.

"Shut up," I said before she was able to start rambling about how cute we looked together or how she was right. She closed her partly opened mouth.  
Ville reached for my hand that was still resting against him and held it tightly. My mom went to the cupboard and pulled out the bag of fig newtons I kept for her. She took out two and put the rest away.

"Mom?" She kept her mouth shut. Ugh.

"What? You said to shut up."

"Why did you come here, anyway?"

"Making sure your not getting into trouble. You honestly think that just because I let you move out, that I won't check up on you?"

"Whatever. Did you find something bad?" She looked around.

"Not particularly. I do see a bag of clothes next to the sofa."

"Those are Ville's he is staying here for a while. Still, shut up." She smiled.

"I'll just be going now," she said with a grin. She walked out the door and slammed it behind her. Ville was still holding me close. I turned to face Ville. He smiled at me and pulled me closer. I leaned up to kiss him again. This time I felt so much more. Probably because my mom wasn't watching us. I felt electricity race through our lips. I put my arms around Ville's neck and he put his arms around my waist. Our bodies were pulled closer together by Ville's arms. He poked at my lips with his tongue and I opened my lips a bit. I could feel his heart through our lips and my arm touching his neck.

I leaned away a little and he stumbled into me a bit and pushed me against the island on the other side of the kitchen without breaking the kiss. I took his face in may hands and let my tongue explore his mouth a bit more. He lifted me up and carried me to the sofa. He set me on the sofa and we want back to kissing. He sat on my waist and leaned down to give me the best kisses of my life- not that I've had many to begin with. He held my hands on the sofa. He strayed from my lips to kiss my neck and forehead. He eventually pulled away and we were both breathing heavily. His hair was a little ruffled and his beanie was off. He ran his fingers through his hair. I reached up to touch his face and he stroked my cheek. He looked at me with shimmering green eyes, his hands were on either side of my shoulder.

"Wow," was the only thing I could say. He smiled. "You have no idea how long I have been wanting to do that."

"I think I can guess," he said smiling at me. He chuckled. He looked at my leg. His face fell a little. He sat up on my knees and traced the outline of one of my scars. "I'm sorry you went through that." He said still looking at my scars. "Are they all on your legs?"

"No. My stomach and wrists." I pulled my shirt up a bit to reveal more scars on my abdomen. He put his hand on them. He took his hand away and I pulled my shirt down. He looked into my eyes again.

"This is crazy," Ville said softly.

"What is?"

"This. I've fallen for a beautiful young girl in less than two days. I..." He didn't finish his sentence.

"I know. It is insane. But that kiss, that was, oh I don't know how to describe it. Exquisite." Ville smiled at my attempt to describe the indescribable. I heard my phone beep. Ugh. I got up and looked at the screen. I had 34 Tumblr notifications. "Ugh. So much for the picture holding them off."

Ville laughed. He walked to me and looked at my phone. He took it from me and figured out how to post something. He pulled me close and kissed me while he took the picture. He added in 'can you guys shut up now? We're trying to chill. He gave out back to me so I could see what exactly he was posting. I smiled and pressed the publish button. He kissed me again before going over to his bag of clothes. I glanced at the clock. It was 7:46. Ville pulled his pants off and replaced them with the same pair of pants he wore last light. He took off his shirt and put his beanie in his bag. He came over to where I was standing and hugged me.

"Have I earned the right to sleep in your bed, or do I have the pleasure of sleeping on the sofa again?"

I smiled. "Of course." I leaned into him and put my arms around his waist. He put his arms around me and put his head on mine. We stood there for a while, then Ville kissed the top of my head. I still have no idea why I am so comfortable with him. He let go of me and took my hand. He walked me over to the sofa where we watched TV until around 9:00. At least, it was around then I fell asleep in his arms.


	4. Chapter 4

Ville must have carried me to bed because I woke up in my bed. Ville was holding me close to him, his arms wrapped around my waist. His chest felt warm against my back. I stretched my legs and Ville breathed in deeply. He tightened his arms around my waist and then loosened them. He pressed his face into my neck and smiled. I turned over to face him. He looked at the clock on the wall opposite him.

"Too early," he said groggily. His sleepy voice had an extremely thick accent, it was so sexy.

"Eh," I sighed. I rolled over to face him and he pulled me close and I nestled my head against his chest. His heartbeat was slow and steady. Versus mine, which was at a much faster pace and skipped a beat when I felt his breath on my neck. I fell back asleep in his arms for a while. His skin was soft and smelled like- I don't know. It was peaceful and warm.

I woke up again and two hours later and Ville was once again asleep. We were still in the same position as when I fell asleep. His breath was slow and his face was smooth. I resisted the urge to touch his face. I didn't want to wake him, he looked too peaceful. I smiled and set my head back against him and he shifted his legs and held me tighter. I smiled against him. I had no idea what I did to deserve this. It was too good to be true. A few moments later, he shifted again and leaned his head down to kiss my hair. I looked up at him and he leaned down to kiss my lips.

"Good morning," he said sleepily.

"Good morning to you, too." He shifted his legs so they were pressed up against mine and I touched his smooth face to brush a piece of his hair out of his eyes. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. I sat up in my bed and he did the same. He pulled me onto his lap and put his hand on my face before kissing me passionately. He took his hand from my face and gripped my legs. He pulled me closer and I ran my fingers through this hair. He moved on from my lips to nibble on my ear, then trailed the tip of his tongue down my cheek to suck on my neck. Once he found my sweet spot around my collar bone, I had several urges to let out a moan. I desperately tried to hold them in, but I was in heaven. There were pure emotions running through us, traveling through us at the speed of light. I eventually let out a quiet one and he moved back to my face. He put his left hand on my neck and held my head close to him. I smiled into the kiss and I moved to his neck and jaw when my phone rang. It blasted my mom's ringtone. I really regret having my phone on auto answer. After 5 seconds, it will answer for me on speaker. Shit.

"Hi, sweetie! Do you think you and Ville could spend the night? You sister is coming into town."

"No mom, I'm busy."

"I know. Are you being safe?"

"Sure, I gotta go, mom. I'll call you in 30 minutes."

"OK, don't forget. Love you! Bye."

"Bye." My mom hung up. I looked at my phone to be sure she did. OK, we're good. "Talk about cock block," I said to Ville. He laughed.

"Your mom," Ville started. "is the most insane person I have ever met."

"You don't want to meet my sister," I said rolling my eyes.

"What?"

"You'll see tomorrow." Ville pulled me back closer to him and pecked my lips. I smiled.

"Not right now. I ought to actually get up." Ville groaned. I got off of him and pulled my straps back onto my shoulder. I went to my closet and picked out an outfit. Ville was getting out of bed and stretching. I pulled off my tank and threw on a black HIM shirt that had a picture of the whole band on it. I looked in the mirror on my closet door. Ville was looking at my reflection. I smiled and did a turning motion with my finger, and he turned around.

"We almost made love and you don't want me to see you naked, I don't see the logic." I threw on some skinny jeans quickly. I came back over to Ville and hugged him tightly.

"It's not that I don't want you to see me naked, I just think that you can wait until we actually have sex," I said smiling.

"There's a difference between sex and making love, you know."

"Of course there is. And trust me, it wouldn't be just sex." Ville leaned down and kissed my cheek before turning to his bag of clothes. He put on a black Rolling Stones shirt and black-wash jeans while I checked my phone for Tumblr notifications. I had about 80 people in my ask wondering if it was photoshoped. I replied with a no. Ville finished getting dressed and I called my mom back.

"Put speaker on," Ville said while it was ringing. I did so and after two more rings my mom picked up.

"Hi darling, I'm glad you remembered. You done?"

"Mom, you're on speaker. And we didn't. Like I said last night, I'm a virgin."

"Oh, is Ville there? Oh that's a stupid question. He is probably in the next room or something I mean, I doubt you would confess to being a virgin in front of him,"

"Actually, I'm right here Ms. Caillebs."

"Oh, Hi Ville. So Siouxie, are you and Ville going to spend the night for your sister?" I looked to Ville and he nodded. "Yea. I'll be over around 5:45 for dinner. And mom, please remember I'm vegan this time. Oh and Ville is a vegetarian. Me and Ville can share a room, also, so don't worry about that, we'll sleep in my old room."

"OK then, everything is the way you left it when you moved out."

"Mhm. Mom, bye."

"I love you. Bye." I ended the call and looked up at Ville. "Do you need a smaller bag?" I asked. He nodded and got his bag. I handed him a medium sized black drawstring bag. "Just an overnight bag. If she wants us to stay longer, I'll can no and we can just leave." Ville laughed. He put in fresh boxers, a pair of jeans, a plain black long sleeved shirt, and a pair of gray sweatpants. He went into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. Then he put his beanie on before putting his toothbrush and toothpaste in the bag. He topped off the bag with a pair of black socks. All the while, I was doing the same. I was zipping up my book bag when Ville shoved something over my head that covered my eyes and hugged me from behind. I laughed and pulled off what he put on my head. I held it out in front of me. It was his purple beanie. I folded it in half and shoved it in my back pocket. I gave him a kiss and walked to my bathroom. I brushed out my long hair that had partly curled itself overnight, forming perfect waves. I was about to take my hot straightener to it when Ville startled me.

"You should leave your hair alone, I like it this way." He stood in the doorway and leaned against the frame.

"Fine then," I pulled his beanie from his head instead of the one in my pocket and pulled it over the top of my head.

"You already have my purple one," he said gesturing to my back pocket.

"I like this one better," I said going to hug Ville. He put his arms around my waist then grabbed his beanie from my pocket. I smiled and turned back around to do my make-up. I went light today because I wasn't doing much. I whipped my hair to the side to brush it one last time when I noticed a huge hickey on my neck. "Thanks Ville," I said letting my fingertips linger on it. He came up closer behind me and looked at my reflection.

"No problem. What's your mom going to think?"

"That we've been burning a lot of rubber if you know what I mean," I said looking at him. He smiled. "I need to cover this up." I opened my medicine cabinet and pulled out my full coverage foundation.

"I thought you didn't use foundation."

"I don't. I used to. I'm glad I kept this," I held up the container. I pulled out the sponge and began dabbing on my neck. It took a few layers, but I got it mostly covered. I came out of the bathroom. "Ville, can you see it?" Why I asked I have no idea.

"Not really. Do you have a scarf you could wear?"

"Um, I think." I went to my closet and dug around to find it. Finally I pulled out a thin black scarf I could get away with wearing indoors. Not with this outfit, though. "I'll need to change, but I can use this." Ville turned around and let me change. This time I wore a matte black dress with a white blouse underneath. The blouse came to my collarbone and the ends of the sleeves were bunched together by a ribbon weaved through the cloth and tied. The dress came to just above the middle of my thighs and had thin spaghetti straps. It clung to my waist and boobs (not to a kinky and slutty degree) and was looser around my legs. I put on some plain black tights and Mary Janes that were all black, except for the part at the toe. That part had a white layer that was scalloped around the edge and had holes where the scallop extended. I finished off with the scarf and put my foundation into my bag. Ville was staring at me. "What?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing. You just look very pretty."  
"Why thank you," I said doing a little curtsy that made Ville laugh a little. We spent the rest of the day before leaving chatting and eating and, of course, kissing a bit.

Ville and I walked the mile and a half walk to my mom house slowly. After a mile, Ville had to stop because he was tired. Then after that he moped the rest of the way. I called him a pussy several times, and he didn't believe me when I said I could run a mile and a half. We got there at 6:00, 15 minutes late. I know my mom could have turned it into something, but she didn't which I was very grateful for. Around 6:30 Malea got here. She is my 'sister', yes. And that is in little quote mark things because she isn't actually my sister. She is the daughter of my mom's best friend from high school. I honestly didn't like her much, but I could stand her. But anyway, things got awkward when she got there.

There was a knock at the door and I went to answer it, Ville trailing behind me. I opened the door and Malea gave me a huge hug.

"Hi Suzanne, how are you? You look nice."

"Hey, I'm fine. you?"

"Great. I wanted to bring my girlfriend, but..." She noticed Ville close behind me and trailed off. She eyed me. "Who's this?"

"Oh, this is Ville. Don't ask questions. Mom has been bombarding us with personal questions since I got here."

"Ok, I won't. But you're going to have to talk eventually." She grabbed her bags and went into the living room where my mom still sat. Mom stood up to give her a hug when she saw her. We caught up and Ville couldn't help but feel a bit awkward.

Malea and my mom were talking and laughing while Ville and I sat on the sofa silently listening, only commenting when we were asked a question.

"So is Malea gay?" Ville whispered into my ear.

"Yea. She is dating a French girl she met in her senior year of high school."

"How old is she?"

"She just turned 21. Not that it is of any significance since she had been drinking since she was 17. It's a shame really."

"What do you mean"

"She has a bit of a problem with it." Ville nodded.

"What are you two talking about?" Malea shifted her attention to Ville and I.

"Nothing. Just that we are getting a little hungry." I am so not a good liar, but Malea probability drank a beer or two on the plane ride over, so it's not like she would notice my lying.

"Should I serve dinner then?" Mom asked us. Malea jumped up from her seat and started for the kitchen. Mom got up and followed her. Ville and I stood up as well and went to the dining room to take a seat. Ville sat next to me and Malea sat across from me, next to my mom. My mom carried out a pot of casserole and a large bowl of salad accompanied by an assortment of dressings.

"What kind of casserole is it?" Malea asked, hastily spooning out a portion for herself.

"Cheese, Beef, and Potato," my mom responded.

"Mom, I reminded you that Ville and I have dietary restrictions. I've been vegan for nearly 3 years and you still don't remember."

"I did remember. I made a salad for you and Ville," mom responded.

"So you got Ville in on this Vegan thing, too?" Malea asked rudely.

"Actually, I've been Vegetarian for a long time now. Since before I met Siouxie," Ville said, speaking for the first time since Malea arrived. "And I don't mean to speak out of place, but I don't appreciate the two of you acting this way especially to Siouxie, who deserves none of it. Ms. Caillebs, if your daughter has been Vegan for three years, you should acknowledge it more than making a salad for her. And Malea, you shouldn't think that just because two people that are in a relationship automatically try to change each other, even just a little bit." He stopped and the two of them stared. I squeezed his leg in an "It' okay," gesture under the table and he glanced at me. "I'm sorry," he said before standing up from the table and walking away in the direction of my old room. I stood up.

"I honestly don't know, mom. I don't. It takes quite a bit to upset Ville. You two did it in less than an hour. Neither of you know what I've been through, not even you, mom. And if I told you, Malea, you would probably be so shit-faced drunk, that you wouldn't remember it to the next day. Now, it is too late for Ville and I to go back to my apartment, so we have to stay the night. If either of you decide you want to say something, Ville and I will be in my room." I walked away leaving my chair pushed out and both my mom and Malea's with their jaws to the floor. I walked down the stairs to the basement, which my whole room consisted of.

Ville was sitting on the sofa staring at the black TV. I came and sat by him. "Thanks for standing up for me," I said. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me into a hug, and me not expecting it, would've toppled over if Ville's strong arms weren't holding me tightly to him. I hugged him back and he kissed the side of my head.

"What on earth goes through your mom's mind? I get asking questions, she's your mother, but they are so personal and she has no right to expect an answer. That is our own business and if we want to tell her then we can. But really."

"I know," I said, curling up against his chest. After a few moments, I heard steps coming down the stairs and over to the sofa.

"Hey, sweetie. I'm sorry ignored you and being a vegan and all. And for asking personal questions. I'm just not ready for you to grow up. But you have a boyfriend now and your own place, so... I guess I need to let you live your life. I'm so sorry."

"I sat up from Ville's chest and got off the couch. "Thank you," I said, giving her a hug. "You have to keep to your word, though." She smiled and went back upstairs. I turned back around to face Ville. I held my hand out to pull him up. I didn't work, but he got up on his own. He gave me a hug.

"It's getting late, we should go to bed," He said pointing to the separate room that had my bed. I looked at the clock. It was 10:00 now. I leaned on Ville tiredly. He hugged me tightly and then hoisted me up so he could carry me to the bed. He sat me on the bed and began to undress. I watched him closely as he took off his shirt. "What?" He asked.

"Nothing," I said as I got up and took off my dress. I took off the blouse and replaced it with a baggy HIM shirt. I took off my tights and got into bed, to tired to put on pants. Ville smiled and climbed in with me. He held my waist tight against his and kissed my head before turning off the lights for the night.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up around 8:00. I guess going back to bed after waking up yesterday morning jacked up my sleep schedule a bit. Ville was still sleeping and was facing the other way, so out backs were to each other. I really need to break this habit. But anyway, when Ville was asleep, I thought. Again. Not about my upsetting past, but what was in my future. I think Ville and I are going too fast. This will be the third day we have known each other, and we almost made love already. It was comforting to know that for Ville, it would in fact be making love. Not just sex. And it would be for me, too but...

I don't know. I guess that I've decided I want to slow down. A lot. Just be with each other and go to breakfast or lunch or dinner together. And just be. I think that I don't want to give myself away too soon, either. I'm not talking about marriage, just until we get to the 'I love you' point. And we both mean it. The thing is, even if Ville told me he loved me right now, I wouldn't have sex with him yet. Because it is too soon, and I don't know if we have been together long enough for him to mean it. And why we came so close and I didn't mind, I don't know. I guess I have always been attracted to the idea of morning sex. Both people still wanting to make love even though they both look terrible and both have morning breath. That to me is beautiful. So yea, I guess that is why I've done everything the way I did so far.

I shivered and scooted close to Ville. Jeez, why did my mom keep the temperature so cold? He felt my cold hand brush up against him and goosebumps rippled over his pale skin. I scooted away from him a little bit, not wanting to wake him. After a moment, he moved anyway, stretching his legs then turning over to face me. He put his hand on my arm, which was under the blanket, and felt my goosebumps. He pulled me closer and I put my shaking arms against his warm body. I shivered again, and I had the urge to chatter my teeth, but I clenched my jaw and held back. How was he always so warm? I pressed my cold cheek against him and he leaned down to kiss the top of my head, which had his beanie sliding off of it. He took his arm from me to take it off and then threw it over the edge of the bed.

"You're ice cold, Siouxie." I shivered again and pressed my bare legs against his warm clothed ones. He tightened his grip around me. "You should probably put socks and pants on, that would make you warmer." I pulled away from him and shrugged the covers off me. I found a pair of thick sweats and ankle socks. I walked back over to Ville who was getting out of the bed and stretching his back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. His arms took their usual spot at my waist and squeezed me against him. I reached up to kiss his cheek before letting go and walking out of the room. I walked up the stairs and Ville was soon close behind me. When I got to the top of the narrow stairs, Ville took my hand and we walked to the kitchen. Malea was sitting at the breakfast bar with a beer and a bottle of vodka.

"You go for the beer down the sink and I can get the vodka," I whispered to Ville. He nodded. We snuck up behind her and just as I grabbed the bottle of Vodka, Ville had the beer can and was heading to the sink.

"Hey! What are you doing? That's mine!"

I put the bottle of Vodka in the freezer. "No, it's mom's. And I don't think she would like that you are drinking her favorite vodka. Now be quiet, its only 8:24."

"You've got to stop drinking, Malea. Its going to ruin your life, but my advice is: Drink a little more, Party a little harder. Hit rock bottom, then get some comparison. Before I went to rehab, I was drinking a six pack of beer before I would leave the house. Not a good idea, being blackout wasted all day." Malea looked at Ville.

"So? I'm 21. I can do what I want."

"You want to have several DUIs? You want to OD and pull an Amy Winehouse?"

"No. And I won't."

"Suit yourself," Ville said coming back to me, still standing by the refrigerator. He opened it and pulled out two cokes, handing one to me. He walked out of the room and I followed. We walked downstairs and we packed up our things. We finished and went back upstairs. My mom was up and Malea was sitting on the couch.

"Hey mom, Ville and I are going to go home." I gave her a hug. "And watch Malea. She was sitting down with a beer and your vodka this morning," I whispered in her ear. She nodded and gave Ville a hug too. "Bye." I said, walking out the door. It was really cold outside. I reached up and took Ville's beanie from his head and put it on mine. He smiled and took my hand. We walked home without stopping this time, and Ville sucked it up because he knew I was cold. We were soon home and the warm air hit the two of us when we opened the door.

"Holy shit. It's Monday." I said to Ville. I put my hand on my ass to get my phone out of my pocket. I pulled it out and called my mom. "Hey mom, did you call in me in sick at school? Ok," I sighed. "Thanks. You too. Bye." Ville eyed me. "She did. So we get to chill today. Again." He smiled and a gave him a hug. "I'm hungry, but I don't want to do any dishes."

"Can we go somewhere close so I don't have to walk anymore?" Ville asked, moping.

"Yea... Um... There is a café down the street. They have scones and muffins and coffee and-" Ville put a finger to my mouth.

"You had me at down the street." He fixed his beanie, gave me a kiss and we went out the door.

We sat down at a table in the corner.

"What do you want?" I asked him.

"Er.. A muffin... Blueberry. And a coke, please." I nodded and walked up to the counter.

"Could I have one Blueberry muffin, a coke, a 12 oz. Coffee, black, and a bagel, please." The man behind the counter took my money and I stepped to the counter where I would get my snacks and beverages. After a few moments they called my name and I collected everything. I set everything down and took my seat.

"Thanks," Ville said before taking a bite of his muffin. We sat and talked and took our time eating.

Eventually a loud group of teenagers burst through the door. I looked at them and put my head down, the hood of my sweatshirt swinging over the top of my head.

"What?" Ville asked me, reaching over the table to pull the hood off my head. I picked my head up.

"Do you remember, when you almost hit me with your car, how I said I was only smoking a second cigarette because I had a shit day at school?" He nodded. "Those are the kids responsible. Ugh. They are the ones who don't just ignore me." Ville frowned and squeezed my hand that was on the table.

"Shouldn't they be in school?" I nodded. "Do you want to leave?"

"No, I don't want them to run my life. I'm almost done anyway."

I finished my bagel and the last of my coffee and threw everything away. Ville stood up and felt something hit my back. I turned my head and sure enough it was them.

"See? I told you it was her," one of them said.

Ville took a step over to stand close to me. "Just ignore them," Ville whispered in my ear.

"I usually do, but I don't want to anymore. I guess you standing up to my mother, then me speaking to her more made me not want to be treated that way anymore." They came up to me and Ville, fixing their caps and showing off their boxers. Ugh.

"You've got you're daddy taking you to breakfast, how sweet," the first one said.

"Um, excuse me, but I am anything but her dad." Ville interjected with a scoff.

"If your not her dad, who the fuck are you then? No, don't tell me. She found you on Craigslist."

"No. I guess you could say I found her. You don't know shit, so why don't you and your little friends go pick on someone else?"

He turned to me. "You've got yourself someone to speak for you, now? I don't even think you can talk. I've never heard you." Ville stood close to me and opened his mouth to spit out a remark, but I put my hand on his chest, signaling for him to stop. He did and relaxed his shoulders a bit.

"Oh my god, you sad fucks," I said to the boy. "I would sell your souls to Satan for a fucking cracker. Outside." I walked out to the parking lot and Ville scrambled after me. "Did I ever tell you that I'm an 6th degree Black Belt?" Ville shook his head and smiled. I took off my hoodie and beanie (his beanie) despite the fact it was freezing and snow was falling. The boy, who seemed to be their 'leader' for lack of a better word, stepped up.

"I'm supposed to fight you? I can't fight you. Well I can, but shouldn't bother. I'll kick your ass."

"We will see," I said standing strait. He took a few steps forward so we were only about one yard apart. I took a breath. He lunged for me, fist clenched. I made a simple move to the left and he nearly fell over from missing my face.

"Damn you're slow," I said with a smirk.

He tightened his jaw and made another punch, careful not to use his speed so much. I ducked down quickly and knocked his feet out from under them. He landed on his side, nearly hitting his head. I wasn't trying to kill him, but it was too easy. He got up and made another lunge. I stepped in front of him and lifted my knee a bit, and rammed it right in his manhood. Ville flinched.

The boy fell to the ground, holding his junk, knees tucked to his chest. "Don't worry. You'll be fine. I'll be on my way. And if you ever piss me off or talk that way to him EVER again, I will do more than make your dick hurt." I turned to the other 5 boys. "Anyone else?" They stood frozen, eyes going back and forth between me and the body rolling around on the asphalt. I nodded and turned to Ville. He stood there blinking at the boy. I came up in front of him. He looked down at me, shocked.

"Ow..." He said shifting his weight awkwardly.

"We can go now," I said taking my hoodie back from him. I threw it back on and took his arm in mine. "That was really not by the book at all, but oh well." He nodded. We walked for about 5 more minutes before we got home. It was only around noon now. Ville plopped on the couch.

"Well that was new. What do you want to do now? We have until 9:30 to do whatever because I have to go to school tomorrow." I took off my hoodie to reveal my black v-neck shirt and sat down next to Ville.

"I could think of something," he said looking into my eyes. He put his hand on my face and kissed me sweetly. I kissed back and he lowered me down so I was laying down on the couch. He kissed my nose and my cheek and my neck and most especially my lips. He pulled away a little for a breath and I bit lightly on his lip. He eventually started to kiss my collar bone, slowly going down. He got a little low for just kissing and I moved his face back to me. He looked up at me and came back to my face.

"Not right now, Ville," I whispered to him. He nodded slightly and kissed my lips again before sitting up.

"I'm sorry," I said scooting up on the couch and wrapping my legs around Ville's hips and bringing him closer. He put his legs around my hips.

"It's fine," he said with a half smile. "I get it if you don't want to yet."

"I know I was open to it the other morning, but I was thinking this morning. I just think that we're going too fast. Don't get me wrong. I really like you, obviously. But I don't want to rush anything." He nodded understandingly and kissed my cheek. I pulled him into a hug. "Thank you," I said into his ear.

"Your welcome," he replied.

We spent some time watching TV and some time kissing and just lounging until I had to go to bed. I was curled up against him, so he just carried me to my bed, and snuggled close to me. I fell asleep quickly to Ville's slow and steady heartbeat.


	6. Chapter 6

My phone alarm went off at it's usual time and scared the shit out of Ville while doing so. I got ready as usual and kissed Ville before I left. School wasn't really interesting until lunch. I sat at my usual table by the window, alone, shocker. I was finishing my water when the boy from yesterday and one of his friends came up to me.

"Hey, listen. I, um, am really sorry about how I've treated you, and uh," I stopped him.

"Be quiet. You are really bad at apologizing you know. I get it. It is fine."

"Thanks. So we're cool?"

"I suppose. Just do not ever be a dick again. I made it pretty clear yesterday what would happen."

He stood there awkwardly for a moment. "Nice shoes."

"Thanks, I got them from a thrift shop."

"See you around, then," he said and turned to walk away.

And that was how that happened. No one really talked to me or paid any remote attention to me, and I walked home in silence. I just realized I haven't smoked since I met Ville. Wow. I got home and Ville was in the kitchen drinking a coke.

"How was school?" He asked setting the can on the counter.

"Good. That kid from from yesterday apologized, so I guess we are chill for now."

"Great."

I gave Ville a hug and shoved my hands in his back pockets. He smiled and kissed my forehead. I put my hands on his face and we gazed into each other's eyes. We both stood there for a while, as if we could read the other's soul. I stood as far as I could up on my toes to kiss his lips. He smiled into this kiss and kissed me back romantically. He lingered on my lips. He pulled away and held me tight against him. He seemed to like me being pressed up against him, and I did too, so it worked for me. He kissed me again and I kissed him back, the both of us breathing and moving in unison. I did really like these make out sessions we had sometimes.

We basically spent the rest of that day kissing and just hanging out. It was nice.

**_Sorry it was short. I didn't really know what to write._**


	7. Chapter 7

We spent the next several weeks together, not doing much of anything. Eventually, it came to the last week of Ville's stay. I had my mom call me in as sick so I could spend the week with Ville. He was leaving on Saturday. We kissed and kissed and spent a lot of time together. It was his idea, actually, having my mom call me in sick.

~Friday night, 12/21, 8:39 pm~

"I don't want you to leave," I said into his chest. We were laying on the sofa, talking.

"You could come," Ville said.

"No, what would people think. I am hardly 19, and you... aren't."

"I know, but I also don't care. I care about you," he said, his eyes gazing down on me. I put my hand on his chest and he kissed the top of my head.

"I have school," I was just making up random excuses now.

"You can drop out," He started. "I more than just care about you. I love you."

"I... I love you, too." I did. It was true. We have only been dating for about a month and a half, and I already think I love him.

He tightened his grip around my hips, kissing my neck. I shifted and kissed his soft lips passionately. He pulled away and looked into my eyes and I looked into his. They were greener than I have ever seen them, save for the photo shopped ones. I kissed him again, my tongue exploring his mouth and tasting his sweet lips. He always tasted good, never even a little if-y. I pulled away a little, my teeth pulling out his bottom lip a bit before I kissed his cheeks and neck and collarbone. We both pulled away and he looked at me questioningly. I breathed out and nodded. A smile played at the corner of his mouth and he kissed my neck and collar bone. I sat on his lap, legs around his waist and his hands were on mine. He kissed my lips and stood up, hoisting me higher on him so that my legs were around his rib cage and I had too lean down on him to kiss his lips. He walked to my room, kicking the door closed with his foot.

He sat me down on the bed. He trailed kisses down my jaw and neck. He stopped at my collarbone for a minute, making me let out a soft moan. He pulled away from me to take a breath and I pulled my shirt off. He pushed me down onto the bed, my head landing on my pillows. He kissed down my torso and massaged my boobs through my bra which I fiddled with getting off then threw across my room. Ville sat up for a moment to pull his shirt off then kissed my stomach. He licked around my belly button while he slid off my shorts. He kissed down more, causing me to moan again.

He licked around my clitoris, then down to my lips. I moaned loudly with each movement of his tongue. He licked my entrance, not quite entering for a moment. I pushed my hips down, wanting more. He finally let his tongue in my entrance. He explored it a bit before going back to my clitoris, gaining many moans from me. He slipped a finger in my opening and fingered me with his tender finger. He slipped in another finger, then another. He pulled his three fingers out and licked my wetness off them. He came back to my face and drowned me with kisses while he got his pants and boxers off. He found his way to my opening and slowly slid in his warm, throbbing length. I let out a moan through my heavy breathing. He gradually increased his speed and began to thrust a little harder. His breathing was as fast as mine. He kissed me through my moans, getting louder and louder. He let out moans, too. When I finally came, he soon came, releasing his warm juices inside me. He collapsed next to me, the two of us panting an our hearts beating fast.

"I love you, Ville," I breathed after a moment.

"I love you, too," he said, putting a kiss on my head.


	8. Chapter 8

Ville's POV

~Next Morning, 6:00 am~

I gazed down at Siouxie. She was so beautiful in her sleep. Her face was smooth and her eyelids had an occasional twitch when her eyes moved. Her breathing was steady and I could her her steady heartbeat since we were so close to each other, her naked arms and legs and back were smooth and had no marks, besides her scars and a heartagram tattoo on her ribs that I didn't know she had. Her fingers lay still on her pillow, and her hair was always smooth and soft.

I was asleep a bit ago, but woke up from my worries on what is going to happen next. She never gave a specific reply on whether or not she would join me. She could. She has completed all of her required credits at school and if she left a few weeks after me, by then she could have everything sorted out.

Then I though of her mom. She would probably help us, since she nearly forced us together. I don't want to say forced, but I wouldn't have been able to kiss her for the first time if it wasn't for her. She read us so well it was just strange.

But all of this was so wrong. I was older than her by a lot, and I think Bam would pick on me about it. Not that Bam defines my relationships at all, but it was just an example. I really did love her and I loved her to the point that it seems to consume my entire being. It is different with her. And she said that she loved me, too. And I was content with that. I shifted a little and let my head sink onto the pillow, then shut my eyes and willed my mind to let me go to sleep.

Siouxie's POV

~Later That Morning~

I felt warm, not too warm, just warm. Ville was warm, and I was warm, and the air under our blanket was warm. I didn't ever want to move. I was close to Ville's chest and he was close to me and everything was peaceful. I sighed contently and moved my naked legs closer to Ville's. His breath was warm and steady on the back of my neck. I gazed up at the ceiling.

I really think that I should go with Ville, but I can't just pack up and leave. I need to graduate. I can early, and I want to, but I need to really think. Let my mind have a chance at making the decisions versus my heart.

I sighed loudly. What the hell? I am going to go with Ville to Finland. I can leave a bit after him and wrap things up and pack and say goodbye to my mom and sister for awhile. Yes, she is still here. My mom is making her stay awhile longer. I lay there a bit more and Ville soon woke up. He gave me a kiss and we got dressed.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I stood by the fridge with the door open, looking for something to make.

"I don't know. We could go out...?"

"Sure. You do have to leave at 5:00 to catch your plane, so if I don't' t have to clean, then we can do more before you leave." We got dressed and walked to a restaurant a block away.

"I'll have the hobo banquet," Ville said to the waitress.

"And I'll have the same thing, minus the cheese." She left with our order and Ville turned to face me. "So, I've been thinking. I do want to go with you back to Finland." He smiled happily at my decision. "And since I am in school, I can't just pack up and leave. So I would have to leave after you. I can get on a plane in a week or so, after I tie everything up. I can have my mom rent a storage unit for all my stuff that I won't need to take, but don't want to sell, and then voilà, I can get on a plane and be in Finland before January ends. Maybe even before Christmas."

"I like it," he said smiling. He opened his mouth to say something else but was interrupted by someone walking up to our table."

"Hey, Siouxie. Where were you all week?" It was Alec, he was the boy I kicked the snot out of a while back. He and I have been, not friends and not acquaintances, but something in the middle, I suppose. He was pretty ok if you weren't on his shit list.

"Oh, hey. I called in sick this week so I could spend time with Ville. He is going back to Finland tonight," I smiled a little, surprised that he cared.

"You're Finnish?" He asked looking to Ville.

"Yea, I live in Helsinki." he responded. I don't think he liked Alec much, but he did an ok job at hiding it.

"Cool," Alec replied. "I've never met anyone from anywhere in Europe."

"You know me," I interjected.

"You're not from Europe, are you?"

"Yea. I was born in Sweden. I've lived all over Europe. I just moved here around nine years ago."

"But you have no acce-" Alec was cut off by a woman calling him over. She sat with a man and an elderly woman.

"Brunch with grandma?" I asked him jokingly. He blushed a little.

"Bye," he said before turning away to his family. Once he was away, I turned to Ville.

"You don't like him, do you?"

"No, and I don't know why you do," he took a sip of his soda.

"I don't, particularly. I am just glad he doesn't pick on me anymore. He and some other people say hi to me in the hall now, so I'm pretty chill with it for now."

He nodded a little. "If it's been better for you, then I guess I can be nice to him for now," He seemed to REALLY not like him... I shrugged it off.

The waitress came with our food and we took our time eating. We left at noon, and decided to visit my mom, since she was only another 3 blocks from here.

"Hello?" I asked, opening the front door.

"Siouxie?" My mom asked, turning the corner to come meet me at the door.

"Hey, mom," I said. I gave her a quick hug.

"Hi, Ville," she said as she pulled him into an unexpected hug.

"Hi," he said, feeling a little awkward. I guess he didn't know that they were friendly enough for hugs.

"What are you guys doing here? Not to sound Luke I don't want you here, but I'm sure you have better things to do than come here." She couldn't help but wink.

"Mom, we already did that," I said making Ville blush. She led us to the living room where we all took a seat. "So, anyway mom. After breakfast, we came over here because," I paused. "Well, Ville is leaving tonight, and he asked me to come... And I said yes."

"Good for you, but don't you have school?" I nodded and gave the the low down on what I was planning on doing.

"Sounds good, and I will pay for the storage unit, but you get to pay for your ticket and checked baggage."

I smiled and was about to say something, when Malea walked in. She looked at me and Ville and then to mom.

"What's going on?" She asked mom.

"Siouxie is going to move in with Ville in Finland." She said simply. Malea gave us a fake smile before taking a seat by the fireplace.

"Cool," she said, her enthusiasm clearly fake.

"Malea, be kind." My mom said quietly to her. "So, Ville, where in Finland do you live?"

"Helsinki." He answered simply.

We sat and talked for a while longer, Malea only occasionally commenting. I found it strange that how she acted has changed so much since Ville stood up for me. I shook it off and focused on the conversation.

"Oh, and you need to drive Ville to the airport. I don't have a car, so... Yea." I said to my mom. "And we will need to go to my house, too, so Ville can get his things."

"Of course," my mom said simply. She looked at the clock. It was nearly 3:30. "Oh, we have to leave now so he has time to get his stuff." Ville stood up and then pulled me up. "Are you coming, Malea?" My mom asked. She shook her head no.

We grabbed two cans of coke for Ville and I then went to the car. Ville and I sat in the back, me on the door-side seat and him in the middle seat. We got to my house in 6 or 7 minutes and her grabbed all his stuff. By now it was almost four and we had to leave now. We rode in the car talking and an occasional silence filled the car. We pulled up to where Ville had to get out. He pressed his lips gently upon mine, and the familiar twitch of energy sparked through my lips. He held my face in his hands and we kissed for a long moment.

"I love you, so much," he whispered to me when he pulled away.

"I love you, too. I will call you," I said quietly back to him. We smiled at each other and he slammed the door shut behind him. My heart flipped and I swallowed the upsetting feeling that washed over me. I climbed childishly into the passenger seat and put my seatbelt on again. My mom started driving and I pulled out my phone. I sent a text to Ville saying 'I will see you in a week.'

"You really love him don't you?" My thoughts were interrupted by my mom asking a seemingly unimportant question.

"Yea," I said, feeling like the tattoo on my ribs was burning into my flesh. I didn't know why I felt so lonely already.

"I can tell. He loves you very much, too, you know."

"I know," I said smiling. "How did you know that we both wanted each other? I mean when you first met him?"

"It was obvious in both of your eyes. How you two didn't notice yourselves is beyond me," she smiled smugly.

The rest of the car ride consisted of us chatting. We got to my house around 6:00 and my mom said that she wasn't going to stay and just let me be. I sat on the sofa, silently staring at my wall. The night dragged out. I ate and got my pajamas on and brushed my teeth and got into bed. It was cold and un-comforting, without Ville next to me. I reached for my phone and went on Tumblr. I had several notifications, as usual. I made a simple post: 'Not feeling great, no photo spam or posts tonight. Sorry.' I let my head fall on my pillow and fell into a cold sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

My room was dim. That was unusual, since my window caught the sun every morning. That and the fact that in Colorado, rainy days hardly exist. There was almost no light in my room. I reached for my phone so I could see better. I peeked through the blinds and saw the rain that was pouring from the sky. The sky was crying. So hard. I couldn't tell where the sun was, the clouds were so thick. The street was littered with huge puddles of water, and the grass seemed to be drowning in water. I've never seen so much rain. How did I not hear it falling? It seemed like the sky was reflecting how I felt. I was sad and lonely. Why? I am not too sure. I couldn't have imagined I myself missing Ville this much. But I wasn't exactly sure that it was Ville leaving that made me feel this way. I missed him, no doubt, even though he has only been gone a night, but it wasn't missing him that I felt. It was an inexplicable feeling of loneliness, the kind that you get when you are surrounded by people who love you, but you still feel alone. And it wasn't Ville. It seems I can't express that enough to myself. I shrugged it off and walked to out of my room. I exited the end of the short hall and saw my mom and Malea on the sofa.

"Oh, hi. What are you guys doing here?" I looked at my mom. Her nose was red and eyes puffy. Malea's eyes were red as well. My face fell. "What's going on?" I came to sit next to them.

"Suzanne," my mom began. Aw, shit this is serious. Full name? I got scared. What had happened? "Your-your father... Well, he passed away." I took my eyes off my mother. My hand went to my mouth, tears beginning to fall from my eyes. I knew something was off.

"Oh my god. What, er, how?" I wiped my eyes with my thin fingers.

"He... He got sick. Very fast. I didn't know until..." She took a breath. "Until he was almost gone." I sniffled and stood up. I walked to the closet and grabbed a box of Kleenex, then returned and offered to mom before taking one myself.

I never talk about my dad. I love him to pieces. About two years before we moved to the states, my mom and my dad separated. Not because they hated each other, just to be apart. We were still close and we talked a lot. Then (a year later) my dad had to move to Norway for work. We were living in Germany at the time, so it was quite far. Our talking decreased to a few e-mails and texts a month and phone calls on holiday. Then we moved to the states and he later moved back to Finland. Since then, the only communication was birthday cards, and Skype calls on holiday. Mom, Malea and I love him to death, still.

"So, when is the funeral?" I asked slowly.

"Thursday," Malea said, almost a whisper. "It's in Finland."

"Okay." We sat in silence for awhile. After about 5 minutes, I took a breath. And stood up.

"Do you want anything?"

"Coke and Milk is fine," Malea said.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Fill a glass half full with Coke, then fill the last half with milk. Stir."

"No, Malea, I know what Coke and Milk is. I am Vegan, remember?"

"Oh yea. Just a Coke then."

"Water," mom said.

I grabbed two Cokes and a bottle of water from my fridge and poured each into a glass.

"Can you guys sit over here? I don't want to get anything on the sofa, considering the fact I don't own it."

"Oh, uh, yea." Mom said. They got up and took a stool. I'm glad I have four seats. We made small talk for a while until my mom had to leave for an appointment. She took Malea and I was alone again.

Day of the funeral. Siouxie is staying at Ville's while in Finland

"Just wear waterproof mascara and eyeliner, and don't wear anything on your lower lashes or waterline sort of thing," Ville said, hands on my shoulders. I sighed. "You're going, and I am going. End."

"I know." I made up every excuse in the book to not go. I can't go. I will begin to sob uncontrollably in front of so many people. I know they are almost all family, but still. I looked in the mirror and fixed my rosary. My black dress was lacy. It went to just above my knees, and lace covered all of the black silk that was the rest of the dress, as well as covering just my shoulders and neck. My arms weren't covered at all, which I was a bit concerned about, but my mom said it would be just fine. I wore my favorite rosary which hanged down to just below my boobs, and the cross at the end was simple and black. I wore plain black nylons and a pair of six inch pumps. I only wore them so Ville didn't feel so tall, or rather, so that I don't feel so short. I still don't know how I got to be so short. I took out all my earrings except the two on each my lobes, the bottom wore a pair of Gothic-Victoianesque earrings that were about half an inch and had deep blue gems. The top wore plain gems that were the same color as my lower piercing's. I didn't think I was dressed completely appropriate for a funeral, but my mom said I was fine.

I turned to Ville. Right now, he was wearing a deep blue dress shirt that matched my earrings, a black silken vest and slacks. His tie was the wider kind, and were the same deep blue as his shirt and my earrings. His shoes were the kind that were black with white around parts of them. I made sure the dimple in his tie was perfect and told him to put on his suit jacket to finish his outfit. I tucked his hair behind his ears and kissed his neck.

"You look great," I said smiling a bit.

"As do you," he said, sounding very proper. He kissed my forehead and I looked at us in the mirror. Even with my pumps, he was still a good six or seven inches taller than me. We matched perfectly, as the under-layer of my dress matched the texture of his suit, and my earrings matched his tie and shirt. His hair looked just about the same as it usually did, only I made him make it look smoother and more well brushed, and my hair fell in large curls around my shoulders, blending in with my dress. Both of our skins match about the same, both fair and smooth. We really looked like a couple. It made me smile. We made our way to the driveway, locked arms, where my mom was waiting for us.

"You look good," Mom said smiling.

"Thanks."

Malea sat in the passenger seat, so Ville and I sat in the backseat. Malea still hasn't apologized, or even talked about what happened a while ago. And we don't really talk a lot, though she isn't an ass to me anymore. I suppose I was ok with it, but the way she never even spoke of it again was peculiar.

After about a 15 minute drive, we came to a large church, both of it's grand doors open. People were walking in. I felt a little out of place, as most people wore plain black dresses with a single bow or rose for embellishment. There were a few small children that were playing together just outside, and a few older children, around 7th or 8th grade, who trailed a few feet behind their parents, looking uncomfortable in the attire. Only about half of the people here spoke any English, and the rest spoke either Finnish or Swedish or both.

It was long. And I cried. Ville held his arm tight around me and occasionally pulled a tissue from a pocket on the outside of his vest. The wake was worse. The wake was at dad's house. It was huge. The walls were scattered with artwork. That was ok. But the shelves were covered with family photos, and there was a whole bookshelf full of photo albums of him, mom, and I. I suppose, though we didn't talk much, he thought about us a lot. I felt bad, because I never thought of him. Not much. It made me cry more. And the constant bombarding of "I'm sorry for your loss," in three different languages didn't help. I eventually couldn't take it anymore. I went to the patio where no one was and sat in a far corner and cried. Ville was off, I had asked him to get me a drink. I had at least 5 minutes of alone time. But I wanted Ville here, with me. I don't know why I sent him to table with all the foods and drinks so I could run away. I sobbed and sobbed. I was this sad for another inexplicable reason. Just like I was inexplicably lonely the day I heard dad died. A few minutes later, I heard the patio door open and close. Steps cracked in the snow towards me, and I was soon covered by a shadow.

"Is awfully cold out here," Ville said. "It's snowing."

I looked up at him and wiped my eyes. He brushed the snow off of the rest of the bench I was sitting on and took a seat. He pulled me onto his lap and my legs up onto the bench. I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in his neck. He held me close and let me cry, which made me feel a whole lot better. I must have cried for a good ten minutes. I wiped my eyes with a tissue and blew my nose.

"I'm sorry," I said, cleaning under my eyes with a clean tissue.

"No, no. Don't be sorry. It's okay to cry, cry a lot." He pushed the hair out of my face and kissed my forehead. He gripped me better and stood up, then set me down and fixed my hair a bit. He pulled a small compact mirror from his pocket.

"You carry a mirror?"

"For you. I knew you would need it." He smiled sweetly and placed it in my hand. I looked terrible. There weren't streams of black down my cheeks, thanks to the waterproof liner and mascara, but I had dark raccoon eyes. How the little bit of make-up I wore turned into this, I have no idea. My hair was a little frizzy, not too bad, thank god. I smoothed my hair a bit and wet a tissue with my tongue. I wiped under my eyes and basically nothing moved. Ugh.

"Ville," I asked shutting the compact. "Can you go ask my mom for make-up wipes?"

"Ok," he said smiling a walking away to the door. He was back in a few minutes with my mom's travel pack of make-up wipes. Thank god my mom always kept some with her. He handed them to me before he sat back down. I wiped the black from under my eyes and then took off all of my makeup. I made sure there weren't any smudges or dark spots before I stood up.

"Okay. We can go in now." I smiled a little bit and fixed my dress. Ville gave me one last lingering kiss before we went back inside. Ville and I went to the snack table and filled our plates with food. There was a lot of Vegan and Vegetarian foods. That was great. We sat at a bench on the edge of the room and ate, chatting a bit.

The rest of the wake was better. I didn't really cry anymore, and less people approached me. I still don't know why I am so distraught by my father's death. We haven't talked much for nearly two years, but I... Ugh. I need to just stop looking into my emotions. Emotions aren't supposed to have logical reasoning, right?


	10. Chapter 10

My luggage sat in the corner, waiting to be hauled to the car. I couldn't just stay yet. I talked to my school counselor and I decided I shouldn't. I already told Ville. I sat on Ville's bed, checking my Tumblr. No one was posting anything too interesting, so I locked my phone and found Ville, who was in the kitchen. It was really early, only 2:30 am. Why my mom booked such an early flight back to Colorado was beyond me. I took a coke from the fridge and pulled myself up onto the counter.

"You look awfully tired," Ville said, giving me a hug. "Be sure to sleep on the plane."

"I pray that I can." I buried my face in his neck and kept my grip around him tight.

"Siouxie, where are your bags?" Malea asked as she walked into the kitchen.

"In my room," I said groggily. And by "my room," I meant Ville's room. I slid of the counter and chugged the last of my coke. I wrapped my arms around Ville again. I closed my eyes and leaned on him for a minute. I actually almost fell asleep. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs round him as he carried me out to the car. He was so sweet. He set me down, my shoes crunching in the snow. Malea was putting my bags in the trunk and mom was warming up the car. I leaned up to find Ville's lips and he found mine. The kiss was long and passionate, and warmed my whole body. He pulled away and opened the passenger door for me. I slid into the seat and put my seat belt on. Ville gave me one last hug and closed my door. Malea slid into the backseat and buckled up before we drove away.

The airport wasn't too busy, so we made it through security rather quickly. So had time to get coffee and a snack before boarding. We got to fly first class, and we got the first three seats. I sat by the window, and mom next to me. Malea sat across the isle next to a young man who wore a grey button up and black silk trousers. I fell asleep rather quickly and mom woke me up right before we landed. It was around 9:00 am when we were leaving the airport. Mom drove me home, and then she and Malea went to her house. I dropped my bags at the door and went strait to the couch, falling fast asleep.

I woke up around 6:00, the usual going-to-school-time for me. Wow. I got back on Sunday morning. That means I slept just under 24 hours. Holy shit.

I walked into first period-History. I asked Mr. Custis if I missed anything really important, other than homework. I had asked for the homework in advance so I could do it while I was gone. He said no, so I sat in my usual seat in the front of the class. It was usual, people staring and all. All the other periods were the same. Alec wasn't at school today, I noticed.

I walked home with my earbuds in, listening to Depeche Mode and HIM, and I was interrupted by someone pulling out one.

"Hey, Siouxie."

"Oh, hi Alec. Why weren't you at school today?"

"I had a doctor's appointment and my mom said I could just stay home since I was already missing most of the day."

"Nice. So how did that go?"

"Fine. Where were you?"

"Huh?"

"You were out all week. Were you with Ville again?"

"Oh, yea. Yes and no. My dad died, and he lived in Helsinki, so I was with Ville also. So yes, I suppose."

"Well I am sorry to hear that."

Silence.

"So, do you want to go get something to eat or something later?" Alec said, breaking the short pause.

"Nah. Sorry. I'm not really feeling up for it right now. Rain check?

"Sure. Hey, I gotta get home. See you at school tomorrow?"

"Yea, bye."

"Bye."

Well, that was interesting.


	11. Chapter 11

~A few days before graduation~

I awoke with the sun shining through my blinds, warming my face and shoulders. My eyes flickered open slowly, taking in the familiar surroundings of my bedroom, and one that hadn't belonged here for quite a while. Ville sat in my favorite wicker chair that stood in a corner of my room, his eyes closed and head hanging. I suppose that he came in a few hours prior and was waiting for me to wake up. I smiled to myself and then stood from my bed, avoiding the motions that would cause it to creak loudly. I shuffled to sleeping Ville in his chair. I lifted his chin with a single finger and kissed his soft lips in an attempt to wake him. He made a noise, then opened his eyes.

~Ville's POV~

I woke up with Siouxie's on mine. I kissed her back for a moment before she pulled away.

"You weren't supposed to be here until tonight," she said with a chuckle. I smiled.

"Surprise," I whispered. She laughed and sat on my lap before kissing me again. I kissed her lips back tenderly, feeling the familiar sensation I had been longing for since her father passed. But now that she was graduating this weekend, however, she gets to come back with me to Finland. I an truly excited that I will get to wake up with her next to me every morning. She still needs to meet the rest of the band. I told them a close friend of mine's father died, and they remarked at "close friend", and with good reason. I think they will like her as much as I do. She pulled away a bit, breaking the kiss.

"I am valedictorian. I've been preparing my speech for a while now. I am extremely exited to finally graduate," she bragged.

"Can I hear it? Your speech, I mean."

"No," she said smiling. "You get to wait until I actually graduate. Just because I love you doesn't give you priority."

I smiled and played with her hair. "Well, I love you, too."

~Still Ville's POV, Day of Graduation~

I sat in a chair near the front of the auditorium next to Siouxie's mom. Students dressed in cap and gown were called up one by one, and last, Siouxie was called up. She smiled at her principal as she accepted her degree and then he led her to the microphone.

"And now, our valedictorian has prepared a speech. Please give Ms. Suzanne Caillebs a round of applause."

~Siouxie's POV~

I looked out onto the crowd of people and smiled as the principal stepped aside and gave me the floor. I adjusted the microphone lower and took a breath.

"I have been at this school for the past four years of my life. And in these four years, I think that not one person has not been changed by high school, or just having been through it all. I know that I have been. I was a pretty messed up kid, and I still am. But, in the ending of these years, I have healed a lot. I think that a lot of people have, and that is what happens when you grow up, and things end. But when things end, new things must begin. And these new things are what school prepared us for. And this school did an excellent job. The staff here is so supportive, and helped me, and I am sure so many others as well. They helped us to achieve what we wanted to in the best way they could. And I did achieve what I wanted. And more. I mean, I am dating the front man of a famous band for Pete's sake." Everyone looked around and I took a breath. "Go ahead and wave, Ville." A few people gasped and others smiled and waved. "But anyway, my point is that these teachers gave us so much and I am grateful and excited to leave here, and who wouldn't be? But I am also sad. And a little scared. But again, I am confident that school has prepared me and the rest of you for the changes that will happen now. No more certainty from the same things happening everyday. So hats-off to the teachers who are so good at their jobs. Now let's shock the world with the knowledge that our lovely teachers have been kind enough to show us!" I was surprised at the confidence ringing in my voice at the end. The auditorium filled with applause. I smiled and a few teachers hugged me, loving that my speech gave a hats-off to them, and that I seemed to have incorporated most the school. The students fled off the stage, and I was one of the last off. Ville was waiting for me with my mom at the bottom of the stage. My mom was crying and blubbering and Ville was reaching into his pocket for a tissue. He handed her the tissue as I came up to them.

"My baby is all grown up!" She threw her arms around me. After a moment, Ville pulled her off me.

"Don't ruin her gown," he said smiling. Mom blew her nose and wiped her eyes once more before composing herself a bit. I smiled and locked arms with Ville before we started for the gym. Party time!

Mom left with my cap and gown, leaving Ville and I here for the party. Under my graduation gown, I wore my party dress. It was black, obviously, it had spaghetti straps and was several different lengths, the longest was to my knees, ad the shortest was at mid-thigh. It was matte with sheer spiderweb-looking embroidery. My shoes were sheer creepers with a few fat buckles.

Ville and I danced the night away. We had so much fun. I don't know if I had ever seen Ville really dance before. A few people approached us asking if he was really famous, and he replied with a "Yes, just Google capital HIM."

The last song was a slow dance. Of course it had to be Love Me Tender by Elivs. Ville held me close as we did a simple rocking and stepping. Ville sang in my ear quietly along with the song; Love me tender, Love me true, all my dreams fulfilled. For my darling, I love you, and I always will. Eventually the song ended, but we didn't. Ville continued to sing to me on loop, while everyone else shuffled out. We were in our own little universe. I closed my eyes and listened to Ville's sweet voice, and I swear I almost fell asleep. A man tapped on my shoulder, and I realized Ville's eyes were closed as well. The man who tapped me was my principal. I pulled away from Ville and turned to face him.

"Hey, Siouxie. I'm assuming you enjoyed the after party."

"Oh, uh, yea. Sorry, Ville and I kind of left to our own little universe when Love Me Tender played. Sorry. We, can uh, leave then."

"I was just going to comment on how cute you two are." He turned to Ville. "Did you go to school somewhere around here?"

"Oh, um, no. I am actually from Finland."

"Finland? And how did you two meet?"

Ville and I laughed a bit. "He almost hit me with his car." I answered. "I was out smoking, and he was on Vacation, and his brakes were being a bit of a fail." He smiled.

"Certainly an unorthodox way to meet. Well, uh, good luck to you."

"Thanks," I responded as my principal walked away.

I turned to Ville and he pulled me close. I let out a tired breath and he kissed my hair. Now we get to walk home. Not going to be fun. It was now 11:30 at night and around 55 degrees. Why did I tell mom to not pick us up? Oh well. I pulled away from him and took his hand and pulled him towards the door. The walk home seemed long, and it was cold. At least it was for me. Despite the fact that Ville gave me his jacket, I was still freezing. He didn't seem cold, but that didn't really surprise me.

~At Home, Ville's POV~

Siouxie and I walked inside, her close to me with goosebumps covering her bare skin. We both walked to her room and quickly took off our clothes and got into bed. I pulled her in so she was facing my chest. She let out a breath of relief from the cold and fell asleep quickly.


	12. Chapter 12

~Still Ville's POV, Moving Day 5 Days after graduation ~

Siouxie took a last look at her old apartment, all the furniture still there, though nothing else was, and then closed the door and locked it behind her, leaving the key under the mat. She wore a pair of jeans with vertical red and black stripes, a Black Sabbath tee, all black converse, and her jacket was in the back seat. Her mom and I were in the car with two suitcases- one with a weeks worth of Siouxie's clothes, and the other was mine and had what he brought. The rest of her clothes were being mailed to my house, along with the rest of her belongings. She climbed in the backseat, as I was in the passenger seat next to her mom.

The plane to Helsinki was long, and both Siouxie and I were extremely jet lagged. It was a good idea for me to have Mige come and pick us up. It might be Linde and Burton, too, but I suppose it doesn't matter too much. Siouxie and I were sitting on a bench, and she was leaning on my chest, when Mige arrived. I straitened up and took my arm from around her to signal it was time to go we stood up and grabbed our bags and made our way to Mige's car. I put mine and Siouxie's bags in the trunk and led Siouxie to the passenger door.

~Siouxie's POV~

Apparently I am sitting in the passenger seat. I'm honestly a little nervous to meet Mige. Ville opened the door for me and I sat down and buckled up. Ville took his spot in the backseat.

"Hey, Mige. This is Siouxie," Ville introduced. "Be friendly... And such. Siouxie is also a big fan of HIM."

"Hi, Siouxie. What's up?"

"Not much. I'm super jet lagged, but that's to be expected, I suppose."

~Ville's POV~

Siouxie and Mige talked for most of the ride, with little to no input from me. We got to my house and Siouxie and I waved 'bye' to Mige before finally coming home. I set our bags down and we took our shoes off before I gave Siouxie a hug.

"So, we're home now," I said with a smile.

"Yea. I don't know if it has sunken in yet that I don't live in Colorado anymore. Or even America."

"Well, it is late, you know. And my bed is right upstairs..." I trailed off.

She chuckled and bit her lip. I kissed her neck and jaw and held her tight. Every time I kissed her, I felt a fluttery feeling in my chest, and a tingly feeling on my lips and fingertips. She wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned up closer to my face, as I am much taller than her. I picked her up and carried her upstairs without having to pull away from her. My bedroom door was already open, and I didn't bother to shut it. I sat her on my bed and kissed down her neck slowly, and once I got to her collar, I swiftly removed her shirt. I kissed her again and climbed onto my bed with her, lowering her down onto my pillows. I kissed her passionately while she unbuttoned the buttons on my shirt. I shrugged it off and flipped the two of us over so that she was on top of me. She straddled my hips, grinding against my raging boner. I let out a moan and she smiled into our kiss. She unzipped my pants while she kissed down my chest, and pulled out my hard on.

I wasn't really expecting to get a blow job seeing as she has only ever been intimate once before now, and I shouldn't expect everyone to automatically be cool with it, but I got it, and it was lovely. She licked around my length, working a bit with her hands. I was about to come when she stopped, leaving me breathing heavily. I groaned and she laughed a bit. She kissed my lips again and I unbuttoned her pants and slid them as far down her legs as I could reach. She pulled them all the way off and I undid her bra clasp. I fingered her a bit and rubbed around her clit before I rolled so that I was back on top of her.

She led me to her warm entrance and let out another moan, then wrapped her legs around my waist and gripped my shoulders, digging what little nails she has into my skin. She threw her head back with a loud final moan when I came inside her. I slowed and stopped my thrusts. She kissed me and loosened her legs' grip around my waist a bit. She was breathing heavily with her eyes closed and a few tears streaked down her face. We were both breathing heavily, and I rolled over next to her. She turned and laid on my chest, then pulled the covers over us. I kissed her hair.

"Your sex is on fire," I said, quoting Kings of Leon.

"Consumed with what's to transpire," She finished with a smile


	13. Chapter 13

"Hey mom." My mom got a Skype so we could keep in touch. I've only been gone a week, but this is the fifth time she has called us. I know that a lot has changed in the last several months-I met and fell in love with Ville, I graduated Valedictorian, I moved to Europe-, and I know that my mom hasn't adjusted yet, and it might be while, but it gets kind of annoying constantly being called by my mom. One time Ville and I were showering and we had to jump out and tell her to call back later. It's interfering with Ville's song writing.

"Hi Siouxsie. How are you? What have you been up to?"

"Nothing, considering you we last talked a day ago. And I'm fine."

"Where's Ville?"

"He is out shopping," I said plainly. "We're out of almond and soy milk, and dried apricots."

"Oh."

"Hey mom? Um, listen, I love you to death, and don't at all mind talking to you, but you have to stop calling us every day. I get it, a lot of changes have happened, and I don't live within walking distance anymore, but Ville and I have things to do. I haven't been doing anything yet because I haven't had the time between you and settling in. I haven't even met Linde, Burton, or Gas, or his parents."

"Oh, um, okay then. I'm sorry I bothered you so much. I guess I'll call you in a month or two or something," mom said quietly. "I love you, and I'll talk to you later."

"I love you, too, mom. Bye-bye." I clicked the 'End Call' button and sighed. A few moments later, the door opened and shut, and Ville came in with a bag of groceries. "Hey," I said. I got up and took the bag from him and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

"No problem. Did your mom call?"

"Yea. I told her that she needed to stop calling because we had other things to do. She seemed upset, and I love her to pieces, but I can't take more Skype calls."

"Good, no more interrupted showers," he joked. I put away the milk and laughed, then shut the fridge and sat up on the counter. Ville walked over and joined me. God dammit now I have _Join Me in Death _stuck in my head. I guess I started humming it because Ville started to sing.

"_We are so young, our lives have just begun. But already we are considering escape from this world._" He paused when I stopped humming. I stopped when I realized I was humming. "Why did you stop humming?"

"I don't hum. Not around people, I mean. Or sing." He laughed out loud.

"Why? You don't sound bad."

"It's not that _I_ think I'm bad, it's that I think people will think I'm bad."

"Well, that's a pretty lame reason." He chuckled. "What do I have to do to get you to sing for me? Or hum?"

"Nothing, because I won't," I looked down. I hated that I was too shy to sing, or even hum, in front of people.

"What if I sing with you?"

I laughed. "That sounded mean, I apologize. But my point is that, you aren't bad at singing, that's your job. If you were bad at singing, maybe." He frowned jokingly, then smiled.

"Okay, then." he thought. "Sex?"

"I'm cackling. We already have sex."

"We don't have to, you know."

"You're bribing me with sex? That's not fair. To either of us." He shrugged and I groaned.

"You know it's not going to make me love you any less if I think you're bad. Sing something."

"Fine," I said eventually, giving in. "_I hear you breathe so far from me. I feel your touch so close and real and I know, my church is not of silver and gold, It's glory lies beyond judgement of souls. The commandments are of consolation and warmth. You know our sacred dream won't fail. The sanctuary tender and so frail, the sacrament of love, the sacrament of warmth is true. The sacrament is you._" Ville was smiling.

"See, not so hard. And you are very good. You really have no reason to be shy about it." I blushed a little and leaned on his shoulder.

"Okay, now sex."

"Actually, I've gotta meet the guys." I scoffed.

"You played me, no fair."

"No, I never said when. Later."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

"Wait, you got that reference?"

"What reference?"

"Never mind. Now go, be a boy."

Ville came home around eight o' clock. I was reading _The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo_ on the sofa when he came in. He sat down by my feet and poked at me until I put my book down. I smiled at him.

"Hey," he said. "Whatcha you doing?"

"Just reading. Did you have fun?"

"Yep." He paused. "So, I'm home now…" he poked me again and had a grin on his face. I smiled back and marked my book.

"And?"

"You know 'and'."

I sat up and scooted to him, then kissed him passionately, then pulled away and ran upstairs. I heard him laugh as he got up to chase after me. I hid beside our bed, facing the wall and waited. I heard him come in, and I could tell he saw me. He tip-toed over and snatched me up. We laughed and he plopped him and I onto our bed. I kissed the dimples that he had from smiling and ran my fingers through his hair. I loved his hair so much. I'm actually pretty jealous of it; his curls are always beautiful. I smiled into our kiss and he chuckled.

"What?" I breathed.

"I told you sex is a good bribe."


	14. Chapter 14

I woke up coughing and with a jolt. This has been happening every night this week, sometimes multiple times a night. I climbed out of bed to get some water. My chest felt tight and drinking water most definitely did not make it feel any better. I finished my glass of water and set it in the sink.

"What are you doing up? It's, like, three in the morning." Ville asked groggily. It made me jump. I rubbed my eyes and walked over to him.

"I just don't feel so great. I'm fine, let's just go back to bed. I'll feel better in the morning."

"Are you sure you're okay?" I nodded and walked past him and up to bed.

I woke up again at ten o' clock-ish. Ville wasn't asleep next to me; he was probably reading or something. I got up and walked out of the room. My chest was still tight and I felt really tired. I walked into the library, and Ville was sitting in his chair reading Bukowski.

"Good morning," I said.

"Well hello. How are you feeling? Better?" I shook my head no and leaned on a table. "Well, then. _What_ are you feeling?"

"My chest is tight and I keep coughing, it has been waking me up at night. I'm sure you have noticed that. I have been wheezing a bit sometimes. I feel kind of tired." Ville shut his book and stood up.

"Then we should probably take you to a clinic today; you either have bronchitis or you've developed Asthma. Let's hope it's the former." I sighed at his statement.

I usually hated doctors. They were never very pleasant. Ville's however, was decent. First he asked me questions about if I smoke; yes. And how often; three or four a day. He put his stethoscope on my back and listened to my breathing. Then he had me breathe into this tube thing connected with a rectangle box thing that displayed numbers and shit. He wrote those down, gave me an inhaler, and then had me blow into the thingy again a minute later. He said I had Adult-Onset Asthma, then gave me a prescription for an inhaler. He told me to chill for a little while until I felt better.

"What do you want to do, then?" I asked Ville once we got home.

"_You_ are going to take it slow until you feel better. You were getting barley enough oxygen for nearly four days."

"I know that. I meant something that we can just do here, chilling. Watch movies or TV or something."

"Okay then," Ville began, and then thought for a moment. "Is there s movie you want to watch? I could probably find it somewhere."

"Have you seen _Avatar_?"

"With the blue people? No. It's been out for a while, I even bought it, but I haven't watched it yet."

"Well now is the perfect time. Go grab it, and we can watch it. I will probably cry again, though. A lot. It gets intense at the end."  
"Okay then. You know I don't mind."

All the Omaticaya were running and screaming, their home was falling on top of them, everything they had was being destroyed right before their eyes. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve for the billionth time and sniffled loudly. This part always made me weep uncontrollably. It was so sad. I snuggled up to Ville more and laid my head on his chest.

"You really did mean a lot," Ville said looking down at me. I nodded and sniffled again.

~

After the movie was over, Ville was doing something on his computer, and I was on mine, scrolling down Tumblr. I kept seeing posts about how people forgot that celebrities could die too, and stuff like that, so naturally I was concerned. I kept scrolling. Then I found a post saying that their hearts and prayers go out to the Glee fandom. It was from one of my favorite HIM blogs, and she rarely posted something not related to metal of some sort. The post ended with "R.I.P. Cory Montieth." I gasped and opened a new tab and Googled "Cory Montieth dead." I knew to be careful about supposed deaths, because of the one time a rumor said that Ville had died. One of the first things to come up was a USA Today article. I clicked it and began to read it.

"_Glee _star Cory Monteith, 31, died Saturday at the Fairmont Pacific Rim hotel in downtown Vancouver.  
"We are so saddened to confirm that the reports on the death of Cory Monteith are accurate. We are in shock and mourning this tragic loss," his publicist, Melissa Kates, confirmed to USA TODAY.  
Word began to spread on Twitter at roughly 1 a.m. ET that the _Glee_ star had died after an apparent drug overdose. CTV British Columbia, a local news station based in Vancouver, appeared to report the news first."

"OHMYGOD," I shrieked. I choked up a little in my throat- an involuntary thing I do when I am about to cry or am holding back tears. I was not a huge Glee fan, like, at all. However, I was a fan of his acting. Ville came rushing to me.

"What?!" he asked.

"Cory Monteith is dead," I said with my hand over my mouth, letting out a few choked sobs. He looked at my laptop screen.

"Isn't he that one guy on Glee?" I nodded. "What happened?" He handed me a nearby box of tissues and I blew my nose and wiped my eyes.

"They are saying he ODed." I let out another sob. "He had just gotten out of rehab not to long ago, too." Ville sat down next to me on the couch and put his arm around me. I leaned into him and cried for a few more minutes. When I got myself together, I blew my nose and wiped my eyes. I chuckled. "I've cried an awful lot today."

"Perhaps."


End file.
